I’ve spoken to three different people recently who have all been struggling with negativity, feelings of shame and shaky self-esteem.

For sure, it’s a spiral downwards into a place which is never fun to hang out in.

It’s heartbreaking to see someone tie their self worth to an external attachment, a danger if there ever is one, and lose their sense of faith and trust, not only in themselves, but in the world around them.

So I wanted write about this, not only because it’s unbearable watching someone you love doubt themselves, but because there are so many others, also dealing with these emotions who, no doubt, are also feeling alone.

Weighed down in a place of fear, shame and guilt

When we’re so stuck in the swirling chaos of our own thoughts, it’s incredibly hard to gain any clarity and perspective.

Joyful emotions, such as hope, peace and love, are light as a feather. We can quite literally glide through life feeling like we’re bouncing off the clouds. In contrast, dark, heavy emotions such as shame, guilt and fear, are like rotten anchors tied around our neck.

They weigh us down so we’re skimming over the murky depths of the ocean, unable to lift our head and find clarity and perspective. They are also extremely exhausting, and quite literally drain us of all our precious life force.

When we’re overwhelmed by negative emotions it is impossible to see the wood through the trees. We are blind to perspective and clarity of thought because we’re so wrapped in our emotional prison, unable to see, hear or think clearly. Emotions such as fear, guilt and shame are oppressive and suffocating, they block out rational thought causing us to rashly react, rather than calmy respond.

When we’re stuck in a vibration of fear our entire nervous system is hyped up and wired, we’re stuck in panic mode and survival is all we can focus on. Our bodies are tensed up, like a raw nerve, and anything can set us off.

Choosing our experiences and suffering

Shame occurs when we linger too long in a state of guilt. When we can’t extract ourselves, we can become bogged down, spiralling further downwards. Shame is like an endless set of waves, pummelling us as we mentally beat ourselves up for a decision we’ve made, words we’ve spoken or action we’ve taken. Yet, do we ever stop to think that there’s no such thing as a bad or wrong decision, only a decision that is meant to happen to help our evolution as spiritual beings?

I recently read that “we need to understand that we only experience what we need or choose to experience, and what we need to experience was chosen by us at some other time or level of being. Therefore, we are in some way responsible for all that happens to us, whether we created it or allowed it.”

Feelings of guilt and shame can act as wonderful prompts. They are whisperings from our soul - our higher self - and to acknowlege that we didn’t choose an action for the highest good is a healthy part of our spiritual journey. We can forgive ourselves, knowing we are all just students in this life, and make the decision to listen to our higher self in the future.

We are so much more than the little lives we are living in this present moment. We are sparks of the Divine who have lived many hundreds or thousands of lifetimes, evolving on a daily basis and learning more about ourselves and the world we live in every time we grace this earth.

If everything is a learning curve, here to help us evolve, then there are no mistakes and there are no bad decisions. Only the mistakes and decisions we were always meant to take. You can either choose to embrace the learning and free yourself from guilt or beat yourself up and sink into shame.

The danger of attaching our self worth to an external source

The feelings of shame and guilt can also stem from the unrealistic pressure we weigh ourselves down with. If we feel we’re not living up to our potential or we’re not good enough we can slide into despair, self doubt and self criticism.

Whenever we’re feeling shame from not achieving, comparing our lives to others or thinking we’re failing, we need to check in with our self esteem. Often, we can do incredible harm when we tie our self worth to a person, a job or an identity.

We so easily forget that nothing is permanent, it’s all temporary and whatever we attach ourselves to, whatever we let feed our self worth, will eventually disappear.

We must avoid using an external source to feed our self esteem. Otherwise when it goes, we are cut off from our supply and are left out in the cold. Starving and berefit of nourishment. We have to feed ourselves with love, compassion, courage and words of comfort. Of course we can fall in love and enjoy the work we do, but we need to remember that it doesn’t complete us. We do not connect our value to it.

If we need an external entity to fill a void of lack within us and fill us up with worth and value, then we are in for a hard time if it disappears. We need to cut the cord and start to nourish ourelves from within, remembering that we are whole, beautiful and imperfectly perfect, just as we are.

Finding the strength to lift ourselves up and out

Uplifting ourselves from the spiral of negative thinking, shame, fear and guilt is hard work but so ultimately rewarding. Every time we shirk the anchor from off around our neck and swim upwards from the murky depths towards the shallows of light streaming through the water, we are getting stronger and more capable.

The first action is to shake free of our victim mentality. When we feel victimised - poor me, this is so unfair, why me - we become completely powerless. As most of us like some degree of control in our lives, this is an almost-unbearable feeling that lingers in our subconscious, shaping all our thoughts and actions.

When we wallow in a victim consciousness, we block any light from shining in, bringing with it hope, positive resolution and clarity of thinking. We feel so sorry for ourselves that we start look for anything that reinforces the message that we are powerless victims.

The second action is to remember that everything happens to us for a reason. Duality is the ruler of our world and our life experience is no different. It is both beautiful and incredibly raw. We cannot go through this life unharmed. It throws challenges at us which are the opportunities for our spiritual growth, ones we have chosen to experience, ones that shape us into who we were always meant to be. There are no mistakes or wrong decisions, only learning curves and opportunities for expansion.

Remembering our true nature and cutting ourselves free

Lastly, we need to remember who we are. We are beautiful, creative and expansive beings. I know this isn’t a message we often hear, yet we must remember. We are not our minds and we are not our bodies; we are the slither of awareness which resides in the gap, capable of wonderful things if we believe in ourselves and our capabilities.

Our minds and bodies are the tools from which we can create, love and expand. They are our vehicles to enjoy this precious world.

Self-compassion is the ultimate form of self-love. Love yourself, all the imperfectly perfect parts of you, and treat yourself like you would treat someone who you love more than anyone else in the world. Compassion is your key to freedom.

Remember, we are the only ones that can untie ourselves from the anchor which is pulling us down into a place where we really don’t want to be. When we cut ourselves free we can swim towards the light filtering in through the depths, bringing with it clarity of thought, hope and resolution.

As we release ourselves from the heavy, dense vibration of fear, shame and guilt, we are no longer attuned to those frequencies. By changing our vibration to one of hope, encouragement, compassion and acceptance, we are highly receptive to those energies finding us and all that they bring with them.

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Carry on exploring