I lost someone I cared for deeply recently. It was a shock, sudden and swift, as death often is.

His name was Soren Dreier and he was someone I loved.

While I’m sure I’ll have tougher years ahead of me, the last two years were extremely challenging, as they were for many, but I had Soren and for that I was so grateful. He was a rock of support upon which I built a new foundation of understanding of the world and of myself.

He gave me hope in my darkest moments, like a beautiful light that is constantly there, gently showing you that it’s all going to be alright. Something he told me often was to chill. To just, let it be. And when I listened to him, it all fell into place. 

I know he was that light for many others too.

The straight-talking mystic

Soren was my supporter, ally and friend. I know he had many friends, he was so big-hearted and kind, but he didn’t mess around either. He was a straight talker, a no-bullshitter and so refreshingly honest. Loving, but completely himself.

It is an alchemic formula that is sorely missing in this world.

I was told more than once to get my shit together, but the way it was said was through love. He had my back, completely.

Authenticity was key for Soren. To say it how it is, in a world that hides what it really means to say behind layers of words and falsities, is something to behold. It was everything to be real and to tell it how it was.

He called out the new-age spiritualism. He called out the woke agenda. He called out the covid bullshit. He was a revolutionary force of good and I know, I just know, he will be remembered many years after he’s gone. He has to be. The world can’t live without the wisdom that he imparted. 

I can’t live without it. I feel anchorless and rootless without him as I’m sure many others will.

The most beautiful gift he gave to so many didn’t just lie in his healings and writing. His gift lay in the how he connected all those who were waking up to the system they found themselves in, calling out the madness with courage and inspired words.

He called it out in technicolour.

Following the inner core

He always guided me to follow my inner core. To be conciously vulnerable.

It was this true north that he gently pushed me to discover because he knew that once you find your inner core, you find yourself.

He set me on a course that would mould me into a better, and more rounded, human. I know myself like I’ve never known myself before, because of him, which is a gift I can never now never repay.

We were talking only recently before he died and there were so many things I could have told him. I wanted to thank him, I wanted to tell him how wonderful my life was becoming because of him, but death comes so quickly that we often don’t get that chance.

His generosity was unbound and under his care and attention he crafted me into the writer that I now am. He kicked me out of my comfort zone many times, encouraging me to always lean towards friction, not against it, to avoid filler words that hide the truth of the message.

To write like that is to write fearlessly. And to write alongside him was one of my greatest joys and a deep honour. He was a truly wonderful poet with words.

The fear I have is that those words he wrote will be lost and my sadness lies in knowing I’ll never read his words again.

Be in this world but not of it

It’s so hard to put into words the essence of who he was.

He was poetic, loving, and so goddamn funny. He had a way with words that cut to the core. There was no bullshit in a world that is filled to the brim with pretenders and talkers filling in the gaps and hiding the truth of what they’re saying. Say it how it is, is what Soren always told me.

He once told me something I’ll never forget: don’t hand authority over to those who are easily offended. He reminded me often to always be true to myself and my inner core and warned me that if we can’t express ourselves, we’re lost.

Nothing could be more true.

We’re all so desperate to be inoffensive, to please everyone and be liked by all but this was a no-go for him. Just be yourself and if anyone doesn’t like it, bye-bye. In this, he taught me the power of ‘no’. 

It’s the power of cutting to the core. Not mincing and fumbling words. Instead, just saying it how it is, without filler words, without filters, without the emojis and platitudes.

Be a stealth ninja in the matrix, he told me, be a warrior who is not afraid to show themselves for who they are.

It takes such courage but this is the path he chose; it is the path of the mystic. It is most certainly a more painful path, exposing yourself to ridicule and persecution, but it is a far more scenic and beautiful one than the mundane.

Connecting through the heart

I learnt so many wonderful things from him that I can’t put them into words, they exist only in my way of living, a way that’s slowly becoming ingrained into the fabric and fibre of my being.

What a gift this man was to the world. What a beautiful, remarkable, divine gift. I feel his loss in waves.

Now he’s gone, the only comfort I have lies in my understanding of life and death.

It’s a belief, not a truth, that when we die we merely melt back into the divine consciousness that is. Our physical bodies are gone but we are everywhere and always accessible. We only need to connect through our heart and we find them there.

The thought of not having him in my life is painful. And the most ironic thing is that he would have had the best advice for me as I feel this pain.

So maybe, just maybe, I’ll connect to my heart and hear what he has to say, because I know he’s inside, waiting for me to remember that he’s there.

Update March 2024: For anyone who knew Soren Dreier, please reach out to me at hello@antoniabeamish.com to share your story. I’m thinking about creating a group to connect us altogether and share his writings and guidance.

Carry on exploring