I am the first to admit that I hate taking things slow.

At my very core, I’m a speedy person. I love to walk fast, talk fast, eat fast, and live fast. My impatience even extends to waiting – I just don’t like waiting for anything.

It seems fitting, then, that the Universe has given me the most laid-back boyfriend in the world, for whom I’m always waiting. The Universe certainly has a sense of humour.

I felt inspired to write about patience because I know there are many deeply impatient people out there, just like me, who want to slow down but don’t quite know how. Or they do know how, they just don’t want to do it.

Impatience doesn’t quite capture the feeling inside me; it’s more like an urgency, a desperate thirst to have something and need it as quickly as possible.

This is perhaps why I had to give up alcohol nearly five years ago.

I was a really thirsty drinker, to my detriment. This hasty approach to pouring alcohol down my neck as quickly as possible led me into many disastrous situations, embedding shame so deeply within me that I no longer wanted to feel it. That’s when I made the decision to remove alcohol from my life entirely.

I hesitate to say I was an alcoholic, because I wasn’t. I also believe everyone has a certain degree of addiction to such an emotional-numbing substance as alcohol. But I was certainly not a healthy drinker.

Writing this makes me think that perhaps some of you might also recognise this impatient urgency within yourselves – the kind that drives you to overdo things, whether it’s overworking, overeating, overexercising, or any of the hundred-and-one things in between.

So, what exactly is this feeling? Where does it come from, and how on earth are we supposed to get a handle on it?

The driving energies in your Soul Contract

Luckily, I know exactly where this energy within me comes from, and it stems directly from the potent 12-3 energy in my Soul Contract, alongside a few other numbers.

All the numbers in a person’s Soul Contract interact continuously to weave the reality we experience, and mine is no exception.

I have all the lack of grounding that comes with strong 8-8 energy, which means I push myself and my body too hard sometimes, not recognising my need for rest. Alongside that, I also have the pioneering 5-5 energy, which wants to speak the truth and empower me to assert myself, but often gets tangled up in the mind and impatience for change.

And if we want to go even deeper, I have a huge amount of 7-7 energy in my name, which is all about letting go of control and embracing self-acceptance. This is another reason I drank – it helped me feel more confident. Yet without me realising it, alcohol only fuelled my lack of confidence. Sobriety is where my true confidence has had the space to shine through.

If you don’t know the energies in your Soul Contract, I highly recommend finding out, as they hold so many answers to the questions in your life.

For me, the 12-3 energy runs me ragged. I’ve spoken before about reaching the cusp of burnout so many times without understanding why. Yet, I still need to keep digging into it because it’s such a powerful force in my life (and no wonder – I have a double dose of it in my chart).

The sense of urgency comes from this 12-3 energy, and in particular from the soul’s drive to achieve what it came to accomplish in this lifetime.

Freewill versus ego versus soul

We all have free will that allows us to make our own choices and decisions. However, we also have competing elements within us vying for our attention.

One is the ego, which is so afraid of its own demise that it will do anything to stop us from reaching the levels of consciousness where we recognise we no longer need it.

The second is the soul, which is the driving force behind us following the path it desperately wants us to walk. Both are incredibly strong forces, and if you have a 12-3, then you’re dealing with a soul that’s riding this lifetime – and consequently you – hard to get exactly what it wants.

In real terms, this may feel like a huge drive in your work, an insatiable thirst to achieve what you know you came here to do. Sometimes it feels like you’re on earth for something so important and so specific, but you still don’t quite know what it is, and you have to work as hard as possible to reach the goals that only your soul is aware of.

This could manifest as continuous, deep healing processes. It could show up as a drive to work for yourself or a decision to take yourself somewhere to do something you never imagined you would.

It can feel totally out of your control.

Feeling deserving of rest

For me, this shows up as a fast-tracked healing journey that has exponentially sped up over the past three years, alongside a huge drive to do the work I do, no matter what’s in my way. It’s relentless, tiring, and exhilarating all at the same time.

The second part of this incredibly strong 12-3 energy is the unworthiness hidden deep within, driving, right alongside the soul, the frantic busyness of life.

It’s so deep and sneaky that we don’t even realise we’re doing it. When you have the 12-3, 3-3, or 21-3 energy in your chart, you often consciously avoid slowing down so you don’t have to face what’s being numbed within you.

Running away from our problems is a common theme with this energy, which is why it’s easy to become addicted to things that sabotage us.

Alongside the avoidance of feeling what’s really going on beneath the surface – whether from fear of what we’ll find or a feeling of being unequipped to handle it – there’s also the guilt around rest. Deep down, I know I struggle to rest and relax because, on some level, I just don’t feel deserving of it.

I also feel like I haven’t worked hard enough to justify rest, and I’m not even sure how to relax properly. So, I sabotage myself and avoid rest, doing anything to keep myself busy.

Having grown up with a mum who never allowed herself to slow down and relax – always jumping up off the sofa with an excuse when one of us walked in – it’s been deeply imprinted within me that resting is lazy, and being lazy is the most shameful of all sins.

Of course, there’s no blame on my wonderful mum, who I love deeply. It’s just a behaviour she no doubt picked up from her mum. She also, unsurprisingly, has the 12-3 energy in her Soul Contract.

The role of comparison

Comparison is the final part of this huge inability to slow down.

We live in a world where we’re constantly exposed to social media, and for someone who is battling to remember her worth, Instagram isn’t an ally.

Yes, it can be wonderful for the cat videos that the algorithm soothingly feeds me, yet, it also relentlessly sends me entrepreneurial content that pushes the message that I need to be constantly go-go-going, and if I don’t start today (because apparently, today is the only day that matters) then I’ll never succeed.

It’s inspiring to a point, and the goal-obsession begins to feels too bullish.

It’s not just the motivating quotes that hit hard; it’s all the other people who are doing so well with their businesses and ideas.

It sparks comparison, jealousy, guilt, and all those other deep emotions that make me feel I have to do more, and that I’m wasting my time if I’m not being productive every second of the day.

On a conscious level, I know the more I rest, relax, and trust, the more I receive. I know this to my core. Yet, on a deeply unconscious level, I’m still stuck in the overpowering energies and imprints driving the fast pace of my life.

Lean into what you’re avoiding

Despite everything I’ve just shared about my flaws around slowing down, I’m not that bad. I just wanted to be really honest, in the hope that you can be honest with yourself too.

I am slowly but surely learning, with every new day, the importance of rest and relaxation. I look after my body beautifully, feeding and nourishing it with lovely food, water, supplements, yoga, and sleep. I am gently coming into balance with my boundaries – mostly with myself, and then with the clients and people I work with.

It takes time, but I am reigning in those wild 12-3s, gently learning the difference between soul-inspired action and taking action from a place of fear, lack, or the unworthiness of thinking “I must do more”.

So here’s the crux: you can only begin to slow down when you recognise why you’re unable to.

Whether you’re running away from something or avoiding a certain feeling, knowing, recognising, and understanding the drivers within you is the most important thing.

If you have a 12-3 in your Soul Contract, you are on a journey to address the unworthiness that may have been numbed out, alongside finding balance, harmony, and grounding in your life. This is your greatest challenge but, when you master it, your greatest gift.

Only when we lean into the things we resist do we discover the alchemy that leads us to the gold in our life. Happy digging.

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