Why the Coaching Culture Feels So Wrong

False Promises and Manipulation in the Coaching World

The worlds of healing, spirituality, coaching, wellbeing, and personal growth overlap in so many ways that the lines between them often blur. Within that mix, I’ve been noticing some trends that really don’t sit right with me, and after reflecting for a long time on why, I feel ready to put words to it.

Lately, it feels like everywhere I look there’s another pyramid of coaches coaching other coaches on how to get more clients, make more money, and build a “successful” business. These are the promises that sell, which is why the industry is overflowing with them.

The irony is that many of the people leading these programmes haven’t built their own businesses through offering healing or personal growth work, they’ve built them by selling others the idea of how to grow a business. It’s a loop that feeds on itself.

To be clear, I know there are many brilliant coaches, mentors, and facilitators working with huge integrity and honesty. I’ve met them, and I deeply respect them. But alongside that, there’s another strand of the industry that feels disingenuous. Instead of being rooted in truth and service, it’s rooted in selling an image of success, often at the expense of the people who most need genuine support.

I’ve asked myself many times why this bothers me so much. Is it jealousy? Comparison? A longing to be as confident, polished, or successful as they appear? I’ve even wondered if I actually want what they’re selling, and that my resistance is really just hesitation before saying yes.

But after a lot of inner questioning, I’ve realised it’s none of those things. At my core, I’m wired to seek truth, it’s part of my makeup with my 5s in my Soul Contract. And when something looks shiny on the surface but feels off underneath, I can’t ignore it. 

My instincts tell me to dig deeper, and what I find under the surface often feels more like manipulation than empowerment.

My Own Experience in Getting Duped

I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of this manipulation. 

Back in 2018, as a new Kinesiology practitioner, I was invited to a workshop with a so-called “heart-led coaching company.” I was full of self-doubt and eager to succeed, and over two days I found myself becoming more and more convinced that their programme was what I needed.

By the end of the event, I was ready to hand over £10,000 for a few coaching calls. Just a few calls. I even phoned my brother in tears, begging him to lend me the money. That’s how deeply I had been convinced.

Looking back, I can see how the whole event was artfully designed to play on our vulnerabilities, our lack of confidence, our shame, our longing to belong and succeed. It wasn’t a genuine offer of support. It was manipulation, pure and simple.

And while I’m grateful I didn’t hand over the money, I know many others have. Stories like mine aren’t rare. I’ve read countless accounts on forums of people handing over thousands to these coaching memberships and walking away with nothing of real value.

This is why I feel so strongly about calling it out. Not because I think I’m above it, clearly I was almost taken in myself, but because I know how seductive it can feel when you’re vulnerable and desperate for change.

The truth I wish I had known then is simple: no one likes to hear it, but anything worth building takes time, patience, and commitment. There are no shortcuts, and anyone who tells you otherwise is selling you a fantasy.

The “Boss Babe” Mirage

One strand of this I find particularly uncomfortable is the “female empowerment / boss babe / get-rich-quick” culture that preys on women seeking more fulfilment in their lives.

It’s a dark feminine energy with the same formula: a glamorous, sparkly lifestyle (funded by the people who pay them), promises of transformation, stories of thousand-dollar months, manifestation, angel-number pricing (£1111, £2222), and endless bonuses “worth thousands.” 

On the surface, it looks like empowerment and freedom, which is what we all want, but in reality, it’s packaging without substance. And it’s the same messaging with all of these people. There’s no differentiation.

The strategy is simple: prey on our shame of not being enough and our longing to feel worthy. Messaging is designed to poke at those tender spots, so that in a moment of insecurity we’re more likely to click “buy” to those masterminds, VIP experiences, memberships and wealth code downloads.

This isn’t empowerment, it’s manipulation dressed up as luxury. There’s no depth, no groundedness, no real transformation. Just empty boxes wrapped in shiny paper.

What also unsettles me is the sameness of it all. The recycled phrases of “7-figure biz,” “high-ticket clients,” “quantum wealth,” “manifest your dream life.” They’re catchy, yes, but hollow. They reduce people to targets and reduce growth to income brackets which feels so removed from the actual work. 

What I rarely see is any focus on the quality of service, the delivery of the healing or services, or the depth of work being offered. It’s always about money, money, money and it comes across as greedy, grabby and deeply removed from what the personal growth, healing and self-development work is really about.

The Pyramid Effect in Coaching

When I scroll through Facebook or Instagram, I see a market that has become saturated with coaches promising six-figure businesses, ten-thousand-pound months, and quantum leaps to wealth and freedom.

What’s striking is how often people move from practicing their craft into coaching others on “how to get more clients”, and then those clients begin doing the same, and so on. It starts to look more like a pyramid with a few at the top who succeed spectacularly, a small handful find some middle ground, and the vast majority at the bottom are left chasing promises that never materialise.

Sometimes it’s not just greed, it’s impatience. 

People find something that worked for them once, and almost immediately turn it into a programme. But one person’s success formula isn’t a template for everyone else. Real teaching requires depth of experience, not just a single breakthrough dressed up as a method.

This is why so many people end up pouring money into systems that don’t fit them, then blaming themselves when it doesn’t work. But the problem isn’t them. It’s that the promise was never grounded in reality to begin with.

We are all so incredibly unique, and so we all have our own unique ways of working with people. 

So, copying someone else’s template or formula isn’t what’s going to work. Sure, we can take bits and pieces of what’s worked well for someone else, and apply basic business principles if they’re sharing it, but we have to create our own path based on our own unique blueprint.

What Healing Is (and Isn’t)

Healing, for me, is not about quick fixes, glossy promises, or someone else claiming to know us better than we know ourselves. It’s about deepening self-awareness, developing greater self-compassion, and becoming more conscious of who we truly are.

We do not need to heal, because we are already perfect. We are merely here to remove the layers that distort and hide the truth of our perfect divine nature. This is what healing is at its core.

I would never call myself a “healer,” because that implies I’m the one doing the work. I’m not. My role is to hold space, to guide, to support , but the healing always comes from within the person themselves. It takes courage and willingness to go to those deeper places, and no one can do that for you.

True healing is not about handing your power to someone else. It’s about reclaiming it for yourself.

That’s why I’m cautious of anyone who tells you they can “fix” you because then it’s a quick slide into giving our power away to the guru or master, which is in direct contradiction to the real work of recognising our own mastery within.

The moment we’re asked to give away our power, something is off. We only have to look at the yoga industry and the abuse and exploitation that occurred from the so-called leaders of Bikram and Ashtanga yoga who preyed on so many women with their charisma and messiah-complex.

There are incredible, gifted practitioners and coaches who facilitate profound transformation within people, but the transformation comes because the person themselves was ready, willing, and brave enough to step into it.

True healing empowers you, not someone else.

Returning to the Truth

I know my words may come across strong, but this isn’t about judging others or claiming I know better. It’s about discernment and it’s about truth amongst the smoke and mirrors of this industry. It’s been unsettling me for a long time, which is why I felt so called to write about it.

We’re all here to step back into our power, which means remembering that no one knows us better than we know ourselves. When someone tries to sell us the idea that they do, we need to pause and listen to our instincts, because they’re never off.

We don’t need empty promises, we don’t need someone else’s lifestyle, and we certainly don’t need to be told that we’re not enough as we are.

The truth is, we’re all already enough.

If you’d like support and guidance on your spiritual and emotional healing journey, you may like to book a Soul Contract Reading, explore one-to-one Divine Healing sessions, or sign up to my newsletter to stay in touch for more similar posts.

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Carry on exploring