Let’s talk about shame.

Let’s also talk about everything that comes along with shame: self-judgement and self-criticism in particular. Why? Because shame, self-judgement, and self-criticism are the very things that lock us in a place of low self-worth, where the love we hold for ourselves becomes tarnished and corrupted.

As a practitioner who has been working with clients for over seven years in the field of emotional wellbeing, I am confident in saying that shame is the one thing that can really hold us back from overcoming a block in our life.

Especially when it involves shame around the past—perhaps a trauma of some kind, or even the lens through which we viewed our past self and our actions that we find so difficult to accept and embrace.

I am no expert on shame, but I do recognise its role in the subtle but significant eroding of our self-worth. This is why we’re going to dive into the top seven quotes about shame, to pull apart their meaning and discover the truth in these words.

What is shame and why do we feel it?

We all hold the energy of shame within us—as human beings, we are not immune to feeling the full spectrum of human emotions, from the very highest and brightest to the very lowest and darkest.

No emotions are bad; they just are. Yet, each emotional state that we’re in holds us in a vibration. When we feel that emotion, we emit that vibration out from our being.

Even though there are emotions that we perceive as negative, such as anger or fear, they all play a role. The trick is to stay in conscious awareness of the emotion and not let ourselves drown and wallow in it.

Easier said than done, am I right?

Whilst it’s easy to speak about how to manage emotions (and a little harder to actually put it into practice), the more we understand, the more we can apply those understandings to our everyday lives. It’s okay, and perfectly acceptable, to feel the full spectrum of emotions. Yet, we also need to be able to gently and compassionately pull ourselves into the more vibrationally positive ones, such as hope, joy, and love.

If you want to really understand the scale of emotions, then David R. Hawkins’s book Power Versus Force is one that really summarises this so beautifully.

In it, he talks about the scale of consciousness, where you can really see the sliding scale of emotional states of being, and begin to understand how to bring yourself out of shame, anger, frustration, or any other lower-vibratory emotional states, and into more positive and expansive ones.

So, why do we want to focus on shame?

According to David R. Hawkins’s scale of consciousness below, shame sits right at the bottom of this chart. What’s more, in my work with clients, I’ve seen the dominating hold that shame can have in keeping subconscious programming, trauma, and ego agendas thriving.

Only when we let go of the shame, self-judgement, and self-criticism can we begin to unlock the hold that these programmes and past traumas have on us, and finally feel free.

“Shame, as a level of consciousness, can immobilise and destroy lives. It leads to withdrawal, hiding, and a sense of worthlessness.” – David R. Hawkins

We’re diving right into the deep end with this one. As Hawkins shares, shame can lead to isolation and withdrawal due to the low levels of worthlessness.

We are all born inherently worthy; it’s our essential and true nature. This is something that Laila-Elizabeth Risdon explains so beautifully in her short, but punchy, model of the difference between self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence, which you can read here.

No matter what society has conditioned us to believe, we are all born equal, we are all born worthy, and we are all born deserving of all that we desire. That doesn’t mean we’ll get it—it means that we can dream it, hope for it, and know that it is ours in the very core of our being.

Yet, when we feel shame, whether it’s from past experiences or from present situations, it erodes this sense of self. Like a grey, dark cloud that casts a shadow over our life, shame keeps us in the darkness where we can’t see the light of truth.

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.” – Eckhart Tolle

I really love Eckhart Tolle’s gentle, down-to-earth understanding of spirituality. Unlike a lot of self-titled enlightened gurus and masters of awakening, he really does say it how it is, which is incredibly refreshing.

As he shares in this poignant quote, it is only our thoughts that create our unhappiness. Often, when we judge or criticise ourselves, it’s linked to a belief in our mind that we haven’t done well enough or we’ve done something wrong.

We all have a certain level of expectations that we hold ourselves accountable to, yet some of us put too much pressure on ourselves, and so when we “fail,” we are the harshest critics.

This can often stem from growing up in an environment where winning was rewarded and losing was punished. It may also stem from the Virgo, perfectionist energy in the Soul Contract of the 10-1, if we have this in our chart.

And sometimes, it’s just about needing to prove we are worthy of love, that drives us to hold ourselves to impossibly high standards.

“Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.” – Brené Brown

Brené Brown is an absolute expert on the subject of shame, having written and researched extensively on the subject. What she shares here is the knowledge that shame becomes powerful when it is tucked away into a corner of the mind, never spoken about, never examined, and definitely never shared.

Yet, this is exactly where shame wants to be.

It wants to rest in a dark corner of you where it can grow and flourish into something far bigger than it actually is. Like a giant shadow from a tiny object, shame appears so much more powerful than it actually is.

It’s when we shine a light on it that we can truly see it for what it is: an emotional state of being that you can unlock yourself from, in the knowledge that you don’t need to hold onto it anymore.

“Don’t allow your mind to tell your heart what to do. The mind gives up easily.” – Paulo Coelho

If there is a better and more brilliant book than The Alchemist, I don’t know what it is.

The book weaves tales and adventures that bind together to create words of such depth, wisdom, and comfort that it is an utter joy to read.

This quote is such a beautiful reflection of the spirit of The Alchemist, which is all about letting your imagination, intuition, and inner compass lead you through life. As Coelho so brilliantly writes, the mind can be weak, but the heart is always strong.

Self-judgement often stems from the mind’s fears and doubts, which can block the heart’s deeper wisdom and courage.

Our hearts are our center for love and compassion, holding our eternal worth in its very core as our source of truth and light. While our hearts can often be hurt, damaged, and broken, that light cannot ever truly go out.

“Shame is a soul-eating emotion.” – C.G. Jung

The big daddy of psychology himself, Carl Jung, explains shame in a hard-hitting, but truthful, way here.

Shame does eat away at us, which is why it’s so important to release it into the light of self-compassion, self-awareness, and love. If we let shame linger within, it can cause all sorts of behaviours in an effort to avoid feeling it.

There are many different ways in which we numb out our emotions—from doom-scrolling on social media, binge-watching Netflix, and unhealthy eating habits to severe eating disorders, addictions, and compulsive behaviour.

When we numb our emotions out, they find a way to be expressed in other ways, such as our emotional and mental behaviours, as well as our physical health. If emotions cannot be felt, then they will find other avenues in the body to be heard, which is when we start to experience physical symptoms in our body.

Living in a state of shame pulls us further away from our joy, love, and peace, because on that level we don’t feel worthy to receive it.

“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.” – Brené Brown

This is the perfect quote to end on, helping us to all realise that shame is not a permanent state of being. Nor is it something that we have to hold onto.

Shame does all it can to trick us into thinking that we have to live with it forever, and that there’s no possible way that it can dissolve back into the ether, but this isn’t true.

As I mentioned earlier, shame is shadow energy—an illusion of darkness. The thing that darkness cannot survive in is light. When we shine the light on shame, it has no place to hide, and the way we do that is to share the thing that creates this shame, knowing that when we feel safe, heard, seen, and validated, shame cannot hold us down anymore.

If you are feeling shame about yourself or something in your life, know that you are not alone, and that this shame is just an emotional state of being, and one that you are fully capable of gently moving on from.

It takes love, tenderness, and care, from yourself more than anyone else, which is why walking away from shame takes time and patience.

Yet, you are worthy of it and incredibly deserving of a life free from shame and any judgement or criticism that you hold against yourself.

I wish you such love on your healing journey, and if you’d like support along the way, I’m here to help you through Soul Contract Readings so you can understand what your Soul is wanting to explore in this lifetime, as well as Divine Healing sessions to help you release what you no longer need.

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Carry on exploring