The Great Paradox of the Human Experience - a Personal Reflection

I lovingly let go of all expectations for someone to validate my human experience.

These were the words I repeated to myself, over and over, during a particularly intense healing session I gave myself yesterday.

The session had come as a surprise, like they often do. I was blithely unaware that it was needed, until I realised that the emotions I can be so good at keeping down and ignoring had decided they needed to be unleashed. Like walking down a road and suddenly falling into a pothole, that’s how healing sessions often come about for me.

And so it was. On my bed, eyes pouring, nose completely stuffed, on my hands and knees, wailing into the sheets. It sounds dramatic, and for me, it was. Sessions like this literally rip me open. The pain I feel is desperate and deep.

And it was in this particularly intense session, as I was working through letting go of an attachment to suffering, that I got stuck on the anger and rage of no one understanding what I’d been through.

This was what made me so mad, so grief-stricken. No one could understand my suffering, because no one had lived my unique human experience. And if no one could understand me, how could I ever feel validated, seen, or recognised for who I am?

Waiting for a reply to the eternal question

And as I was waiting for a response to this question, a reply pinged down the line: “We understand you.”

This ‘we’ means something different for all of us, but for me, it’s my team who see it all, feel it all, and witness it all within me. They are my healing guides for sessions, my angels, my faithful companions, and my endlessly and unconditionally loving supporters.

When I heard these words, I felt all the attachment to suffering start to subtly lighten and detach. I saw, for the first time, the truth of our reality and why so many of us are still attached to our suffering needing to be heard, witnessed, and validated.

The great human paradox is that we all want to be understood, and yet it is impossible for any one person to fully understand another’s unique human experience. You know the phrase, ‘you don’t know someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes’? Well, I think it takes a lot more than a mile to truly know someone’s pain, their desires, their core values, and their perspective on the world.

It takes a whole lifetime.

It is literally impossible for us to have had the same life experience, because no two human lives are identical.

This, I feel, is one of the biggest causes of our suffering, because it’s not validated by the world around us. It can only be validated from within.

It is one of our base human needs, to be understood, loved, and accepted for who we are. And for most of us, we receive enough acceptance, non-judgement, understanding, and love from those around us to feel grounded, seen, safe, and held.

Yet if there is pain still lingering, if there is trauma still just under the surface, if there is guilt, shame, or fear from the past that is present within us, it needs our love, acceptance, and validation before it can even be shared (if it even needs to be) with anyone else.

Healing our invisible wounds

In my session, I had to lovingly let go of my deepest desire for someone to validate my pain and suffering. I had wanted to feel seen. I had wanted someone to say that it all mattered, that I mattered, and more than anything, I had wanted to feel loved instead of feeling abandoned here.

I felt like I was walking around with deep, painful thorns digging into me, and no one could see them. Which is how all of us feel. Our wounds are not visible, and so they can’t be seen.

And when I mention ‘pain and suffering’, it won’t mean anything to you reading this, because it was my unique human experience.

As you’re reading this, I hope you also recognise that your pain and suffering will be vastly different from my own, and completely unique to you. There is no comparison here, especially not with the greater suffering in other parts of the world, or with people we feel have suffered more. It’s simply about validating our own suffering, and witnessing ourselves with love, compassion, and gentleness.

And this is the point.

We are the ones who must look inwards and lovingly tend to the thorns sticking out of our sides. No one can do it for us, because no one else can see them. We can choose to walk around with rage, resentment and grief, or we can choose to start honouring and witnessing ourselves.

And this doesn’t mean we need to be hyper-independent or avoid leaning on others for support. We all need love, community, and connection. And while someone else cannot fully validate or understand our unique human experience, they can witness parts of it, snippets of our journey, and sometimes these can be the most powerful moments.

It’s a mother giving birth with her mother by her side.
It’s two survivors of addiction sharing a coffee.
It’s a group of athletes warming up before a race.
It’s an older employee showing a new joiner around the office on her first day.

Healing through community

These are all examples of shared experiences, and there are so many of us out there with these collective moments. We are not as alone as we think we are - on this earth or beyond. Just because we can’t always feel the love and support from the Universe, it’s always there, patiently waiting for us to remember.

And if we’re ever feeling misunderstood, lonely, unsupported, or wounded from thorns that no one can see, this is when we need to help ourselves by reaching out for like-minded people.

It often won’t be our family or closest friends. It will be a different community. But they are out there. We just need to look, and we’ll find them.

And ultimately, alongside seeking community support, we are here to validate ourselves. We are here to lovingly let go of all expectations for someone else to validate our human experience. And only then will we step into true resilience.

We are not looking outwards. We are looking inwards. And that is where our true strength comes from.

If you’d like support and guidance on your spiritual and emotional healing journey, you may like to book a Soul Contract Reading, book a Divine Healing session, or sign up to my newsletter to stay in touch for more similar posts.

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Carry on exploring